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"Attn: Married guys! Where do you draw the line?"

 
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Barry Allen* (3 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
09-Oct-00, 01:10 PM (PDT)
"Attn: Married guys! Where do you draw the line?"
I'm a recently married guy, but I have not given up my hobby for getting blowjobs and handjobs at MSC. My wife of course, would never understand why I feel the need to have sexual excitement outside of marriage, but the truth is, I can't help myself as much as I love her---I just need to have non-emotional sex with strippers.

I know what I am doing is the shits, so I won't be a hypocrite about it---but I do feel guilty over my indulgences. How do you other married guys feel about it and where do YOU GUYS draw the line?

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newcummer* (66 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
09-Oct-00, 01:31 PM (PDT)
1. "RE: Attn: Married guys! Where do you draw the line?"
feel the exact same way.... draw the line? always use protection, don't get "emotionally" involved -keep it a physical thing only.
Finally, a good friend summed this one up the best: "always lay pipe at home first before laying it elsewhere."
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I know* (5 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
11-Oct-00, 11:11 AM (PDT)
52. "RE: Attn: Married guys! Where do you draw the line?"
There is no sure way to avoid the emotional involvement, it takes off on its own. The risk is minimum if you limit seeing any one lady more than once or twice. If you are in it just for the recreation that isn't a problem. If you feel like you need to keep seeing one, watch out! There can easily be an emotional attachment creeping in. Avoiding emotional attachment isn't simply a will-power issue.
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I second that* (1 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
11-Oct-00, 11:51 AM (PDT)
53. "RE: Attn: Married guys! Where do you draw the line?"
I learned that the hard way. I became emotionally attached to a provider and it cost me my marriage. Then some time later, my relationship ended with the provider for some very sad reasons. I have no one to blame but myself but I fell harded and then I bounced hard.
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ruuning boy* (1 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
11-Oct-00, 12:27 PM (PDT)
54. "RE: Attn: Married guys! Where do you draw the line?"
that's why I'm getting out -- too must risk!!!
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Tall_Dude (75 posts) Click to send private message to Tall_Dude Click to check IP address of the poster
09-Oct-00, 01:44 PM (PDT)
2. "RE: Attn: Married guys! Where do you draw the line?"
Everyone has their own situation and their own reasons for doing what they do. Everyone also has to live with themselves and be responsible for the decisions that they make. I cannot address your specific situation, as it is quite different than mine. Although normally (if there is such thing as normal) such things do not happen to newly married guys (unless the marrage was due to an unexpected pregnancy). Most newlyweds need at least a few months to wear out the newness at home before venturing out. At least it is easier to understand those like myself that have over 15 years with the same woman, where boredom is more the norm than the exception. Either way, as long as you can keep it safe and properly account for the finances and the time with your significant other, then have fun! At least the MSC is a place where you can indulge without the risk of having an escort visit the home, or accounting for strange hotel bills, or the like. The biggest risk is those tell tale cum stains on the pants. I hope you do the laundry!

Tall Dude

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fishfry* (110 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
09-Oct-00, 02:13 PM (PDT)
3. "RE: Attn: Married guys! Where do you draw the line?"
Just a question or. How would you feel if your wife was having her pussy licked once or twice a week by the guy down at the corner grocery store? Nothing emotional, but a gal needs variety sometime, you know? And anyway, her husband doesn't seem to be too turned on to her anymmore.

What's your gut reaction to that scenario?

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AMPFan (510 posts) Click to send private message to AMPFan Click to check IP address of the poster
09-Oct-00, 02:39 PM (PDT)
4. "Hmmm..."
Where IS this grocery store, and are they hiring?
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chef (21 posts) Click to send private message to chef Click to check IP address of the poster
09-Oct-00, 03:20 PM (PDT)
5. "RE: Attn: Married guys! Where do you draw the line?"
I too would like to work there.!!
Does that then make you a Box boy???...
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OrlandoNative (22 posts) Click to Email OrlandoNative Click to send private message to OrlandoNative Click to check IP address of the poster
09-Oct-00, 07:04 PM (PDT)
15. "Can I watch? (eom)"
...
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la_traveler* (65 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
09-Oct-00, 07:45 PM (PDT)
16. "RE: Attn: Married guys! Where do you draw the line?"
What do they use for protection at the store? Paper or plastic?
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Tony* (4 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
09-Oct-00, 08:17 PM (PDT)
17. "RE: Attn: Married guys! Where do you draw the line?"
Do they pay cash or $100 in grocery?
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1bartman* (32 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
09-Oct-00, 10:09 PM (PDT)
22. "RE: Attn: Married guys! Where do you draw the line?"
Well, for every woman I've met outside the "industry" (and even those who do work too) sex is a highly emotional, personal, vulnerable act. The truth is women stand to lose (or gain depending on how you look at it) much more through sex than we men ever will. Technology changes that somewhat, but the wiring of the brain/emotions/hormones is in place and doesn't change.

Think about it from a biological perspective: a human woman can mate about once a year and has a very, very good chance of getting pregnant if she does it "naturally" (no birth control). She has to make damn sure that one male decides to reproduce with is a very good guy. Hopefully one that will help provide for her through the difficulty of pregnancy and raising a child. Not a guy that will leave her on her own, emotionally hurt and with a child that will likely die. And once she's pregnant, her biological need for sex is done for quite a while. Everything for her focuses on the baby.

Now think about the male. He can probably ejaculate every day, at least every other. That's 182-365 chances to mate every year. And since males naturally fight (each other) and hunt a lot, he has a big risk of dying "out in the jungle" any given day. So, for the male, he's wired to screw as much as he can and mate with as many women as possible. Every night may be his last. Again, the wiring is there.

Sure, life is a hell of a lot more complex...and I don't deny that. What I'm saying is that we can't ignore the animal inside us all that gives the rough foundations of our behavior. Despite all the technology we've built around us, our brains are still designed to get the best chance of reproduction in the wild, and that's what makes us tick.

I think if we start to realize and accept that instead of fighting it, things will start to make sense. Of course if your mate (i.e. wife) keeps on emptying your balls every night, you'll have less desire to seek other females.

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fishfry* (110 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
10-Oct-00, 05:26 PM (PDT)
41. "RE: Attn: Married guys! Where do you draw the line?"
I find the argument "men are wired to be promiscuous, women aren't, therefore it's ok for men to cheat" quite uncompelling.

Yes there's this evo-bio theory that men are genetically wired to spread their sperm.

But if that's a basis to cheat on your wife, then you can use the same theory to justify bonking your neighbor on the head if he looks at you crosseyed.

We're not living in caves anymore, and if you know any modern women, they like to have sex and have orgasms and enjoy unemotional sportfucking just as much as men.

So if you're married and you're cheating, you need to come up with a better excuse than "my genes made me do it."

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1bartman* (32 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
10-Oct-00, 09:43 PM (PDT)
50. "RE: Attn: Married guys! Where do you draw the line?"
A lot of men will "bonk their neighbor" if they get a "crosseyed" look (OK, an insult in reality). If you don't believe me, look at how many assaults are filed in large population areas, or ask cops how many "stupid" assaults they respond to.

Sure, we're not living in caves anymore, but we have the SAME BRAINS as humans did 10,000 years ago. Are you going to tell me our hormone balances and mechanisms have changed? Aren't we still homo sapiens as we have been for thousands of years?

I know a lot of modern women, and "sport-fucking" isn't too common among the non-working (non-prostitute) women. Deciding to fuck a guy is a very big deal for most women. Maybe in certain crowds some women have tried to adopt male morals, but not for the majority of them. There are exceptions, but I'm talking about the normal majority.

I'm not saying it's OK to cheat on your wife. I'm only trying to provide an explanation why it's been happening since recorded history started.

I'm not talking about morals, just animal behavior. Morals are what separates us...I know that thanks.

Here's another question to throw out: WHY would it be natural and explainable for a male to stick with one female for his entire adult life? Please don't give religious reasons; that can be argued ad nauseum. I'm asking for a biological reason why a male would not/should not mate with another female once he has a mate?

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running boy* (19 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
11-Oct-00, 08:50 AM (PDT)
51. "women are stuck with the one guy but we are free? "
too easy. You get all you want that way -- you fuck whatever and your wife stays hoem anmd waits for whatever you bring bak to the cave. How lucky for you.
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running boy* (19 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
09-Oct-00, 03:31 PM (PDT)
6. "I think I draw the line right here"
I have the same situation. I try to draw the line at BBHJ, usally at a non-AMP massage parlor or MBOT. I never allow the provider's mouth or pussy to touch my mouth or genitals (STDs). I am very careful to stay off the street (where they might inpound the car) and to stay away from high traffic or politically hot sections. I do not want to get busted and explain that to her.

I realize that what I do is wrong, but from time to time, I need to blow off steam. I try to do it in the most safe and least offensive way possible, knowing that while my wife would kill me either way, she would do it fast if I was just getting HJs, but torture me for days and then kill me slowly if I was doing more.

Bottom line, though, I shouldn't do it. Perhaps having written this and seeing it all in print, I will stop. If I love her, how could I do different?

Wish me luck!!!

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trane blue* (1 posts) Click to Email trane%20blue%2A Click to check IP address of the poster
09-Oct-00, 04:00 PM (PDT)
7. "RE: I think I draw the line right here"
>I have the same situation.
>I try to draw the
>line at BBHJ, usally at
>a non-AMP massage parlor or
>MBOT. I never allow
>the provider's mouth or pussy
>to touch my mouth or
>genitals (STDs). I am very
>careful to stay off the
>street (where they might inpound
>the car) and to stay
>away from high traffic or
>politically hot sections. I
>do not want to get
>busted and explain that to
>her.
>
>I realize that what I do
>is wrong, but from time
>to time, I need to
>blow off steam. I
>try to do it in
>the most safe and least
>offensive way possible, knowing that
>while my wife would kill
>me either way, she would
>do it fast if I
>was just getting HJs, but
>torture me for days and
>then kill me slowly if
>I was doing more.
>
>Bottom line, though, I shouldn't do
>it. Perhaps having written
>this and seeing it all
>in print, I will stop.
> If I love her,
>how could I do different?
>
>
>Wish me luck!!!


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1536* (584 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
09-Oct-00, 04:02 PM (PDT)
8. "RE: I think I draw the line right here"
was there supposed to be a post trane blue?
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traneblue* (9 posts) Click to Email traneblue%2A Click to check IP address of the poster
09-Oct-00, 04:26 PM (PDT)
9. "RE: I think I draw the line right here"
oops... Anyway, just wanted to wish you luck and ask that you do the same for me. I hate that my 15 years of frequenting strip clubs and whores didn't end when I got married 6 years ago, or even 13 years ago when I first entered into a relationship with my wife. I really thought having a wife would end my desire for this stuff. Instead I got worse. Now I've even got a huge asian fetish which I didn't have when I married my non-asian wife. Every time I even think about stopping, I see some asian co-ed here in this college town that I wish I could sleep with, and off I go to some asian sex worker to relieve my out of control desires. I'm so tired of this cycle I almost wish my wife would visit that grocery store so I can confess my sins and call it even. Of course, that's the kind of pitifully irrational thinking that keeps me on this path in the first place. All this guilt/pleasure/guilt business is just rotten. I don't understand it. I love my wife. If she caught me and threw me out, I would have to say I deserved it and she deserved better.
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nightvoyage (51 posts) Click to send private message to nightvoyage Click to check IP address of the poster
10-Oct-00, 03:35 AM (PDT)
25. "RE: I think I draw the line right here"
I totally sympathize with "running_boy" and "traneblue" because I am in a very similar predicament. I lived with my wife before we got married. We have sex regularly for the 6+ years we have been together.

Sex is still good; but something in the back of my head has been pushing me to try something different. I think of sex as ice cream flavors. Although I love "Strawberry Swirl" for its richness and texture, I would occasionally want to try a different flavor. Imagine eating one ice cream flavor for the rest of your life. This Judeo-Christian morality is forcing all of us to do just that. My wife enjoys sex; but she does not like to experiment. She is a little on the conservative side. We have only done it in the missionary and the spoon positions. Before I die, I want to get a thoroughly enjoyable BJ, a 69, and perhaps some Greek action (in that order).

I have convinced myself that I am not betraying her trust by persuing this hobby. I am simply satisfying a curiosity. I will try not to invest too much time or money into this hobby. This will be part of the "me" time I allowed myself. Usually I go flying RC planes in the "me" time. All the other time, I dedicate to my family.

Now only if I work up enough nerves to actually go to an AMP. Any good suggestions on a place in the Southbay that provide good service to first-timers like me?

N.

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Anon* (97 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
09-Oct-00, 08:29 PM (PDT)
18. "Wife's appetite isn't there, sex as control, feminism"
Wife's appetite for sex isn't there. Also finally figured out that sex is being given in measured quantities as a control measure. I speculate that it's driven by her exposure to feminist orthodoxy. My desire for sex is labeled sick; actually bought this for a while. Porn is the escape. Probably, I'd be better off ditching the passive escape and in fact going and getting the heck out of the relationship. It's very Bill and Hillary.
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BoredRiteHere* (15 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
09-Oct-00, 04:31 PM (PDT)
10. "RE: Attn: Married guys! Where do you draw the line?"
I think most of us are in the same boat. For me...it's more that I didn't indulge before I got married...and I regret not trying.

I've only started looking for a GFE...but I remember the days of MBOT and I used to drill down 1k a nite...and of course I can no longer do that. I do still go...but the frequency is definately down.

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running boy* (19 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
09-Oct-00, 04:44 PM (PDT)
11. "RBs next Discussion Group"
perhaps a place for us to have a truely anonymous support group for those of us hoping to get out of this mess we've created.

I sometimes think that it would more be the $$$$ spent on the act rather than the act that would really piss our wives off!!!

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GPenn (114 posts) Click to Email GPenn Click to send private message to GPenn Click to check IP address of the poster
09-Oct-00, 05:08 PM (PDT)
12. "RE: Attn: Married guys! Where do you draw the line?"
Why would your wife "never understand"? Have you tried even the tiniest bit to explore the honesty option? Admittedly, easy for me to say...

When we got together (>15 yrs ago), "no enforced monogamy" was one of my wife's non-negotiable requirements. Kinda takes the pressure off. I *don't* care if she's getting licked by the box boy a couple of times a week (since she mostly prefers women, I guess it would be the box girl, or is that redundant?) I love her and want her to have all the sexual pleasure she can handle, and she wants the same for me; we trust that the other one's not leaving because of a great roll in the hay somewhere. I have polyamorous friends for whom developing that trust requires additional limits on their extra-marital activities; Barry's situation is about the least threatening kind of non-monogy for most women -- very little risk of emotional involvement.

Also, I like to believe that the breadth of experience has made me a better lover at home ("Jane had me try this really cool thing with her... how does that feel? Oh yeah!") And it's fun to share our adventures when that's not violating someone else's confidentiality (Faye thinks it's really hot that I go home and tell my wife about the wonderful time we had).

The biggest problem I've had has been safe sex negotiations -- with other people. Girlfriends have been insulted that I insisted on condoms. In some cases my wife's been willing to accomodate that after a friendly round of blood tests. Providers often seem to assume that I'm up for whatever they are in the way of BB whatever (first time at an AMP I was shocked when, with no negotiation, the woman went down on me and *didn't* have a condom in her mouth!).

And as for where to "lay pipe" when, we've found that we like to make love after one of us has been with someone else -- sort of reestablishing the connection.

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Robert* (164 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
09-Oct-00, 06:53 PM (PDT)
13. "try confession, a STD test and a clean start (eom)"
eom
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OrlandoNative (22 posts) Click to Email OrlandoNative Click to send private message to OrlandoNative Click to check IP address of the poster
09-Oct-00, 07:00 PM (PDT)
14. "At the altar, at least until I'm not married anymore..."
Interestingly enough, I have less desire to "cheat" on my favorite provider than on my wife.... ...hmmm, that does sound pretty bad, doesn't it?
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Married Guy* (1 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
09-Oct-00, 08:43 PM (PDT)
19. "RE: Attn: Married guys! Where do you draw the line?"
I sometimes feel guilty too.
But think of it this way: I am in the mid-age crisis stage (just turned 40's). I have a good family and I love my wife and my kids. But that '4' number bother me because I know I will not be young again. I need some excitement, relief, and feel alive again sometimes.
Several guys I know in the same year group have had an affair, fell in love with another woman, and ended up ruining their family with a divorce. If I can relief my mid-age emotion thru some paid services and still go home and be a good husband and father, it's a good deal. It's not moral, but practical.

Where is the line? it's right outside the provider's primises. Step in, I am in a fantasy world; walk out, I am back to myself and the real world.
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Yet another Anon* (1 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
09-Oct-00, 09:13 PM (PDT)
20. "RE: Attn: Married guys! Where do you draw the line?"
I'm in this dubious club as well. The sex at home is seldom and boring, and I made the difficult decision two years ago to try this hobby (a definite catharsis!). I can totally empathize with other married guys, although I admit we are all a bit different and have slightly different thinking on this.

I rationalize it like this. I cannot bear the thought of going through life without having great sex with a beautiful girl, even if it's a couple of times a year (well actually it's now about 12 times a year for me). At the same time I don't want to leave my marriage: all other aspects of our marriage are great.

I don't expect my wife to understand. I know she'd practically kill me if she found out. I don't feel great about the deception. I am just not willing to give this up.

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Barry Allen* (3 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
09-Oct-00, 09:28 PM (PDT)
21. "Hey! Thanks for all the feedback!"
Call it a rationalization process...call it fooling myself...but I feel relieved that I am not the only one in this boat. I appreciate all the thoughtful feedback.

Like the rest of you, I love my wife and would sacrifice my own for her. I enjoy my time with the "other girls" but of course they mean nothing to me outside of my rented time with them. There is no emotional involvement, but I know that my wife would kill me if she knew I was pawing and getting intimate with these strange girls.

I really don't want to give this hobby up, and I always play it safe. For those who asked---no, she is not at all interested in an open marriage...and neither am I. But I need a release and to indulge what is not longer available to most married guys over thirty.

If anyone has any ideas on replacing these extracurricular activities with another (I tried pornos, exercising, and art), then please let me know!

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GPenn (114 posts) Click to send private message to GPenn Click to check IP address of the poster
10-Oct-00, 09:30 AM (PDT)
30. "RE: Hey! Thanks for all the feedback!"
>For those who asked---no, she is not at all interested
>in an open marriage...and neither am I. But I
>need a release...

But you obviously *are* interested in an "open" marriage, because that's what you're doing. The choices aren't just strict monogamy or anything goes. Do you really value having identical and conventional rules for both of you above honesty?

Are you sure she does? For many women emotional infidelity is much more threatening than a handjob from a professional. My suggestion wasn't that you both start having affairs, but that you consider ways to get what you want while remaining honest with your wife.

If you don't have an honest relationship with your wife, how do you know she's not having an affair? Could you understand and cope -- if she were emotionally involved? if she were having wild sex with somebody else? if she just needed the release? if you never knew what might be going on because she was lying to you?

You've already established that you value sexual variety above honesty with your wife. That sounds harsh, but it's a truth for many people that most are loathe to admit. The strength and nature of peoples' sex drives routinely exceeds culturally accepted parameters.

I know of couples that have "look but don't touch" agreements, or "no emotional involvements / only with professionals, and I don't want to hear about it", or time / quantity limits... lots of other possibilities.

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Carnivore* (2 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
10-Oct-00, 00:23 AM (PDT)
23. "RE: Attn: Married guys! Where do you draw the line?"
Have you considered suicide as an alternative to your ridiculous situation? My god, why would you marry someone with no intention of staying faithful? If you have no honor or integrity in your life, why bother? Let your wife go so she can find someone that is worth his salt and you can pursue a life of paying for your little fantasies and sleeping alone for the rest of your life. That seems fair, at least for her.
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qwerty* (2 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
10-Oct-00, 00:28 AM (PDT)
24. "RE: Attn: Married guys! Where do you draw the line?"
Ahh, you're just jealous.......
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Stanley Bostitch* (6 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
10-Oct-00, 08:49 AM (PDT)
26. "RE: Attn: Married guys! Where do you draw the line?"
Aw, go to the Christian Reading Chat Room
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Running Boy* (17 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
10-Oct-00, 08:52 AM (PDT)
27. "Harsh, but true. My problem exactly. I need help! (eom)"
eom
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the shark* (146 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
10-Oct-00, 08:56 AM (PDT)
28. "RE: Harsh, but true. My problem exactly. I need help! (eom)"
No problem here, I like to do things with the providers that my wife does not do. Plus, after doing a pro, I realize how good I have it at home.
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running boy* (19 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
10-Oct-00, 09:12 AM (PDT)
29. "yet, knowing how good it is at home you see a pro? (eom)"
eom
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shark* (56 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
10-Oct-00, 10:37 AM (PDT)
31. "RE: yet, knowing how good it is at home you see a pro? (eom)"
sure....do you eat steak every night?

When the institution of marriage began, men lived to the ripe old age of 20. They got married at 15, had kids, and died.


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Augustine* (5 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
10-Oct-00, 12:33 PM (PDT)
32. "RE: Attn: Married guys! Where do you draw the line?"
In your situation, guilt is a good thing, at allows you to address the behaviour and quit before it becomes a full-blown addiction (which it already may be). You are involved in behaviour that is not emotionally congruent to you. you are also involved in a behaviour that if your wife was doing, would probably not be acceptable to you. Would you take well to knowing she went out once a week and had a guy perform oral sex and digital stimulation on her, and that she paid for it?

Don't kid yourself. this behaviour is a spiral of lies, addiction, immaturity, weakness, lack of character, and worst of all deceit. your partner deserves to know what she is getting into unless you make a firm committment to quit. If you want to have sex with other people, leave your wife. Don't succmb to the weak-minded philosophy that is always presented on this board about how "that is just the way men are"...etc. For those of you about to throw stones my way about nme hanging out on this board, being a hypocrite, etc: Last I saw it is a public forum, and I have an opinion born out of experience. I used to be a bigger whoremonger that most here, but true love, time, experiece and discipline have taken me to a place where I don't have to indulge this addiction, and where I can look in my wife's loving eyes and see faith and trust mirrored there, because that I was I give also. Peace and good luck to all of you that struggle with this. You have my empathy.

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traneblue* (9 posts) Click to Email traneblue%2A Click to check IP address of the poster
10-Oct-00, 03:19 PM (PDT)
33. "RE: Attn: Married guys! Where do you draw the line?"
To Carnivore, yes I consider it all the time, only I feel it would hurt my wife far more than the stuff I'm already doing.
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Buck* (31 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
10-Oct-00, 03:27 PM (PDT)
34. "RE: Attn: Married guys! Where do you draw the line?"
Pretty chickenshit attitude.Think of the hurt and pain when she "discovers" your little side activities.It'll be far worse than if you were honest.
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traneblue* (9 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
10-Oct-00, 05:35 PM (PDT)
43. "Guilty as charged, Buck"
Thanks for the wisdom of your response.
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Strong* (36 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
10-Oct-00, 03:29 PM (PDT)
35. "RE: Attn: Married guys! Where do you draw the line?"
I'm married too but the worst part about the hobby to me is all the money I spend. I mean, I could be doing something more constructive like using the money for a kid's education (no kids now) or something else. Sex at home is bad and gets worse all the time. I'm having someone from Seattle visit tonight so hopefully all will go well. Wife is out of town.
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Running Boy* (17 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
10-Oct-00, 03:38 PM (PDT)
36. "RE: Attn: Married guys! Where do you draw the line?"
I went to my first Sex addicts anon meeting today. i think, for me, it is an addiction that, for me, may bring trouble to my house if I don't get help. The money, the deception, the guilt is all a bit much for me at times.

To some on this board, I am a chickenshit -- so be it.

To others, I may be an example (if he can do it . . ). I like that better.

To me, I can't take the cost anymore. I have been weak for years, and given in tho whatever I wanted. I hope I have the same dedication to being strong.

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Augustine* (5 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
10-Oct-00, 03:59 PM (PDT)
37. "RE: Attn: Married guys! Where do you draw the line?"
To running boy: Good work my friend, there is grace and forgiveness for you. Forgive yourself, be open to the joy of your wife, your family, friends, etc. the $$ that you have been spending can go back into fruitful, life-affirming activities, so can the time. You WILL succeed.
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running boy* (19 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
10-Oct-00, 04:04 PM (PDT)
38. "I am hoping so!! EOM"
eom
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Augustine* (5 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
10-Oct-00, 04:44 PM (PDT)
39. "RE: I am hoping so!! EOM"
Don't hope....DO. Channel your energies into other positive areas. If you don't work out...start. Take a Yoga class, read that novel you've been setting aside. Make a goal of doing something good for your wife at least once per day....DO.
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Cat's Meow* (273 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
10-Oct-00, 05:24 PM (PDT)
40. "RE: Woman Know your sleeping around"
Your wives know your fucking whores elsewhere.

They stay for economic reasons and only that.

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traneblue* (9 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
10-Oct-00, 05:30 PM (PDT)
42. "Gross generalization"
My wife earn twice as much as I do.
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traneblue* (9 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
10-Oct-00, 05:38 PM (PDT)
44. "RE: Gross generalization"
That should read "earn's".
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traneblue* (9 posts) Click to Email traneblue%2A Click to check IP address of the poster
10-Oct-00, 05:49 PM (PDT)
45. "Augustine and Running Boy, your words help."
Augustine, what other ways do you maintain your discipline? Running Boy, how do I find the right support group/therapists etc.?
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running boy* (19 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
10-Oct-00, 05:58 PM (PDT)
46. "RE: Augustine and Running Boy, your words help."
I looked up www.sexaddictsanonymous.org on the net and found a group. Went today. I decided to try the support route first. If it doesn't work, I'll try therepy, but one way or another, I am digging out of this hole.

To Augie -- thanks. You are the King!!

To Cat's Meow -- you are an idiot.

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Augustine* (5 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
10-Oct-00, 08:42 PM (PDT)
48. "RE: Augustine and Running Boy, your words help."
Guys,

Two other things to consider:

1. No matter your pride, don't discount the possibility of God being involved with you.

2. Remeber: "Fear is merely excitement minus the breath--"

A

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Augustine* (5 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
10-Oct-00, 08:37 PM (PDT)
47. "RE: Augustine and Running Boy, your words help."
Running Boy and traneblue,

Another good place to start is by reading...I know, it sounds like a cliche, but there is an amazing book by Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks called "Conscious Loving"...It had a tremendous efect on my life, and helped me get down to the REAL issues. This is not just about sex. It's about trust and intimacy. Another thing you guys can do is get into therapy with your wives to deal witht he core issues...you don't need to confess your behaviour if you are quitting...would do more damage than good, and is selfish, as it unburdns your guilty conscious at her expense, but other issues of intimacy, avoidance, etc. can be dealt with theraputically. the hendricks instittute also has a great therapy referral service. for more about conscious loving, etc, see thier website at http://www.hendricks.com/root/default.asp

Good luck guys...Peace.

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running boy* (19 posts) Click to check IP address of the poster
10-Oct-00, 09:13 PM (PDT)
49. "RE: Augustine and Running Boy, your words help."
I will look that book up. There isn't anything that might work that I won't try. I have suggested therapy in the past, but she does not want to go. We all have issues . . .so I am on my own. I'll try the support group first. If it fails, I will go to therapy. The book should help, because she will read . .

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