sfredbook "if you fall in love with a provider do you..."

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suzy* (0 posts) 18-Nov-00, 11:40 PM (PDT) "if you fall in love with a provider do you..." want her to quit and marry you? want her to quit and live with you without any other intentions want her to do what she wants and on her own time table want her to continue working cause there's no way you can afford whatever it is that makes her need certain revenue, but wish you could and will learn to cope. or do you like the idea that your girlfriend/wife is a popular lady who goes home to you and has much more a life with you than any other guy she sees. do you see yourself as someone who provides for her in a big way, maybe even bigger than her clients? do you want to have a child with this woman in the future? do you mind if you find out well into the chemistry that she has children? or do you freak and bail when you find out the whole family baggage comes with her?   Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

RE: if you fall in love with a provider do you..., hawk69, 00:53 AM, 19-Nov-00, (1) RE: if you fall in love with a provider do you..., JJ2U, 05:51 PM, 19-Nov-00, (2) RE: if you fall in love with a provider do you..., GPenn, 10:28 AM, 21-Nov-00, (3) RE: if you fall in love with a provider do you..., Aprime, 06:23 PM, 02-Dec-00, (4) I believe that you have to become..., Catman, 11:52 PM, 02-Dec-00, (5)

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hawk69 (8 posts) 19-Nov-00, 00:53 AM (PDT) 1. "RE: if you fall in love with a provider do you..." Does she want to quit? Does she want to get married? Does she want to live with me? If I fell in love with a provider, then I want for her to be happy and care very much about her well being. If I fell in love with a provider, I would want her to be happy even if it required me to give up some of my happiness. Maybe I wouldn't be comfortable and have conceptions (true or not) that I may have to change. Of course this is a highly emotional issue on this board. Some of the people that post here have large problems with relationships with women or in general. The person I fall in love with is just that. I don't love her because of who she might become, but who she is. If I can't deal with the situation with her doing what she does, I have no right judging her and telling her that she should change so she can be with me. Does she have bagage? Is she alive in this world? If the answer is yes (and some on this board are looking for something else) she has bagage. I have bagage. Put the bags away and accept the good things in life, stop looking for the bad things to complain about and help each other get through it. Best of luck to you.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

JJ2U (123 posts) 19-Nov-00, 05:51 PM (PDT) 2. "RE: if you fall in love with a provider do you..." Well put Hawk.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

GPenn (173 posts) 21-Nov-00, 10:28 AM (PDT) 3. "RE: if you fall in love with a provider do you..." I agree with hawk. I might freak about leaving mention of the kids until "well into the chemistry". For me, that's something that should come nearer the beginning of the chemistry, along with things like huge inheritances or incurable diseases. It's a "disclosure of relevant facts" kind of thing. I wouldn't want to get too far down the road with someone who was absolutely set on having kids (I'm absolutely set on not having them) or who was absolutely set on monogamy (I'm flexible about the rules, but complete monogamy is completely out). Getting too far down the road with unshared major issues is just asking for trouble, in my useless opinion. I was with a woman for 11 years who worked in various aspects of the sex trade, and I didn't judge her about it or try to tell her what to do. The fact of her working was never an issue in our relationship, but sexual jealousy and negative judgements about sex work were common among the relationships of sex workers she knew.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Aprime (82 posts) 02-Dec-00, 06:23 PM (PDT) 4. "RE: if you fall in love with a provider do you..." I fall in love with just about every provider I meet....for an hour or two. And for the vast majority of guys, I think that's the way it should be. The personal and societal baggage inherent in the provider/client relationship is just too hard to deal with. Not that these fleeting lovers don't revisit me in my dreams. I was sitting at the big dinner table a coupla weeks ago letting my mind wander from the conversation about uncles and aunts I hadn't seen in years when suddenly I had a vision of my ATF wandering naked into the room and sitting on my lap. I snapped to before anyone noticed my eyes glazing over. (Whew!) Back to your intended subject... a relationship of the kind you seem to be describing requires a great deal of communication, honesty, understanding, and personal resilience. I'm not sure if there is a "right" set of answers to all the questions you posed, but If either party still has serious skeletons in the closet I'd say that things have a way to go before they're sorted out. And, having had no real experience in this area, my advice is worth everything you just paid for it!   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Catman (46 posts) 02-Dec-00, 11:52 PM (PDT) 5. "I believe that you have to become..." LAST EDITED ON 02-Dec-00 AT 11:56 PM (PDT) selfless, opposite of selfish. She is following her bliss (thank you Joseph Campbell) and if I fall in love with her, well that's my decision and entirely my responsibility. I know very darn well what she does and what her element is. My emotional reponses to that are totally predictable from the beginning. To have a love involved in this line of work is emotionally wrenching, but I knew that would be so. I believe that love is all conquering and all knowing. To fall in love with a provider requires that leap of faith.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

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