San Francisco Red Book "Falling for a provider"

Printer-friendly version of this topic Bookmark this topic (Registered users only)		Previous Topic | Next Topic
Conferences General Discussion (Public)
Original message

Naive after all these years* (4 posts) 29-Jan-01, 10:42 PM (PDT) "Falling for a provider" I know this has been discussed before, but this is my present experience. I've been at this hobby for many years, have gotten involved with a couple of very attractive masseuses outside the parlors, but always saw them as emotionally dishonest, manipulative women, so although I foolishly threw a lot of $ at them, I had no delusions of a real relationship with them and I wasn't hurt when it ended. Now I've found one who is my ideal woman physically and she's been very warm and straight with me, not manipulative. I'm like a smitten teenager, obsessing over her all day long, wanting her to become my real GF and knowing that's impossible. I told another hobbyist I met via this board about her today and now I'm telling all of you, hoping your comments will help me come to my senses.   Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

RE: Falling for a provider, escritic, 10:56 PM, 29-Jan-01, (1) RE: Falling for a provider, fishfry*, 11:10 PM, 29-Jan-01, (2) RE: Falling for a provider, Miles, 11:24 PM, 29-Jan-01, (3) Put her to the test, Trollglodyte*, 11:57 PM, 29-Jan-01, (4) Reply to Miles, Naive after all these years*, 11:59 PM, 29-Jan-01, (5) RE: Reply to Miles, Miles, 00:19 AM, 30-Jan-01, (8) RE: Falling for a provider, ag*, 00:00 AM, 30-Jan-01, (6) Reply to Ag, Naive after all these years*, 00:27 AM, 30-Jan-01, (9) RE: Reply to Ag, ag*, 00:58 AM, 30-Jan-01, (10) RE: Reply to Ag, Naive after all these years*, 01:22 AM, 30-Jan-01, (11) RE: Falling for a provider, thegrinch*, 00:16 AM, 30-Jan-01, (7)

Lobby | Topics | Previous Topic | Next Topic

Messages in this topic

escritic (331 posts) 29-Jan-01, 10:56 PM (PDT) 1. "RE: Falling for a provider" I don't know if you can still search for the thread of some guy asking how to propose to a provider. Everything is possible. However, what makes you think she wants to be your GF?   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

fishfry* (102 posts) 29-Jan-01, 11:10 PM (PDT) 2. "RE: Falling for a provider" I've been there several times myself so I feel qualified to toss in my two cents. As you describe it she has done nothing more than be straight up with you, ie be real. I don't get that she has feelings for you that are going to be reciprocated. And even if she does she is not going to cross that line . . . if she was going to, you'd know it. You need to do as follows: 1) Tell her how you feel. 2) Then, depending on your own estimate of your ability to handle yourself in the situation, either a) walk away, or b) stay and play, but know you must walk away someday, and that she does not love you and most likely already has a boyfriend. My two cents brother. You're not alone, we've all been there.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Miles (351 posts) 29-Jan-01, 11:24 PM (PDT) 3. "RE: Falling for a provider" Well, according to some, all you have to do is write a review of her, and before you know it, she won't have time for you anymore! Okay, just kidding. Here's my two cents: Although you say you were not being delusional when first seeing "manipulative" girls outside the parlor, the fact remains that you still were seeing them, regardless of peripheral, foolish behavior such as throwing "a lot of $ at them." If you were seeing someone outside the parlor, the notion that a "real" relationship might somehow develop would lurk somewhere in your mind, otherwise there would be no real ongoing motivation to see them. So whether you realize it or not, you actually were being delusional at that time. The delusional pattern now repeats itself, this time in the form of a likely unattainable relationship. My guess is you will throw more money at her than is necessary as well. The common thread seems to be that you start seeing something that really isn't there, but don't take stock. You are shielding yourself from the reality of the situation with money. Here's my prescription: When dealing with pros, never make the first move. Let her make the first move, then proceed with extreme caution. If she really likes you, money will not be an issue, or even an afterthought for that matter.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Trollglodyte* (148 posts) 29-Jan-01, 11:57 PM (PDT) 4. "Put her to the test" Tell her that you have developed the most tender of feelings for her and that not only do would you want to see her more often, you feel that giving her money from now on would cheapen the experience. Rather, you want to reciprocate by "being there" for her. See what how she reacts to that. Either way, things will become crystal clear within mere seconds and you can go from there.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Naive after all these years* (4 posts) 29-Jan-01, 11:59 PM (PDT) 5. "Reply to Miles" Miles, she's been reviewed several times and she is already very busy. I met her in an AMP and she immediately invited me to see her in her apartment; when I did that I got even more excited about her, but she let me know honestly that she also works as an escort and gets big $ for that (not so big as on that thread about high-end providers but big for my budget). So you're right, I will throw $ at her because I'm so excited to be with her and so far there's no indication she feels anything for me other than liking me a bit. As for being delusional previously, do you consider powerful sexual attraction delusional per se?   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Miles (351 posts) 30-Jan-01, 00:19 AM (PDT) 8. "RE: Reply to Miles" I don't think delusion, per se, relies on any one, given, single element. Sexual attraction, powerful or otherwise, is a genuine, human emotion. However, sexual attraction combined with a relationship predicated on money coupled (sorry) with a desire for an emotionally reciprocative relationship is a recipe for delusion, especially when you can "afford" it. This isn't meant to be criticism. It's a request for introspection. Part of the unspoken practice of being safe in this business is protecting yourself from emotional harm, which doesn't mean you need be emotionally unattainable.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

ag* (18 posts) 30-Jan-01, 00:00 AM (PDT) 6. "RE: Falling for a provider" Been there, a few times. First, you haven't said anything about the way she feels about you. Are you just another client to her, or does she think you are special, too? There are all kinds of girls in this business, just like there are all kinds of girls everywhere else. Some are "emotionally dishonest, manipulative women," some are the sweetest, kindest women you could ever hope to meet. But without exception on the first, and very few on the second, they share two things in common: 1. They fuck men for money. 2. They do it because they need far more money than they could ever earn in any other job they are qualified for. Assuming that she feels the same way about you that you feel about her, or at least you think there is some potential for that, you need to either be very comfortable with fact #1, or be rich enough to eliminate fact #2. If neither is the case, don't get involved, and try to stay away. Otherwise you are likely to get hurt. my $0.02, exactly what it's worth... -AG   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Naive after all these years* (4 posts) 30-Jan-01, 00:27 AM (PDT) 9. "Reply to Ag" I know all that, but thanks anyway for reminding me. She has a story about why she does this work: She's the oldest child and the Asian tradition is that the oldest takes care of everybody else in the family if they need it. I've heard this story from several other Asian women. If true they are heroines. She also admits to really liking sex. Logically, I should just pay her and enjoy her. But why do I illogically obsess about her all day long? That hasn't happened to me before. My guess is that I am, at this stage, just another client to her, "special" only in so far as she doesn't invite every customer in the AMP to her apartment. Look at it also from her point of view if you can: she has access to RB, may know my handle, certainly knows I've been with many different providers, so she has to be careful allowing herself to have feelings for me as I might easily fly away to the next pretty one. It's an inherent problem in this business.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

ag* (18 posts) 30-Jan-01, 00:58 AM (PDT) 10. "RE: Reply to Ag" Yes, you are right it is an inherent problem in this business. It is the reason why I have stopped trying to have relationships with AMP girls and why I am in fact trying to quit the hobby entirely. In my mind it is just too difficult to make it work, and yet I find it is almost impossible NOT to fall in love with some of these girls. Some of them really are angels. I would imagine that she doesn't take most of her clients home. But until she specifically tells you to not pay her, (or you "forget" and she does not remind you later) you are still first and foremost a client. Now she has taken it a step farther than usual, and that flattered you and made you feel special to her. It probably also made you want to keep that special status- you want to be the only one she invites home. This also gave you a taste of the possible- that maybe there is something more here, but you're not sure what or how far it will go, and it's that bit of uncertaintly, like in all real relationships, that makes it interesting. One of my favorite lines in a movie is Paul Newman telling Tom Cruise that "Money won is twice as sweet as money earned." Well, at the risk of souding overly philosophical, I'd say that love won is many times as sweet as love that's paid for. And perhaps that's why you're obsessing about her now?   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Naive after all these years* (4 posts) 30-Jan-01, 01:22 AM (PDT) 11. "RE: Reply to Ag" I have never "tried" to have relationships with AMP girls. The ones (quick count gives 5) I have dated outside the parlor have all initiated that, which is very flattering. As for "trying" to quit the hobby, you are perhaps the naive one. If you're serious, I advise you to begin by not reading posts on this board and not posting your intelligent comments. Get away from us! Love won is undoubtedly many times as sweet. I've done that; later it turned sour. I have been a hobbyist for many years. How could any "normal" woman love me knowing that? And if I hide it from her, that's not healthy.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

thegrinch* (1 posts) 30-Jan-01, 00:16 AM (PDT) 7. "RE: Falling for a provider" Congratulations! You have discovered how to be screwed without paying a cent.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Lock | Archive | Remove

Lobby | Topics | Previous Topic | Next Topic