sfredbook "what's a girl to do?"

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agirl* (3 posts) 02-May-01, 07:57 AM (PDT) "what's a girl to do?" if a girl falls in love with a client who seems to be content with the client/provider relationship, what should she do: tell him her feelings? stop seeing him? continue client/provider relationship? other?   Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

RE: what's a girl to do?, pokekingmon, 08:14 AM, 02-May-01, (1) RE: what's a girl to do?, agirl*, 06:00 PM, 02-May-01, (8) RE: what's a girl to do?, veteran, 08:20 AM, 02-May-01, (2) RE: what's a girl to do?, mermaid, 08:22 AM, 02-May-01, (3) RE: what's a girl to do?, a client*, 10:50 AM, 02-May-01, (7) for what it's worth, LickPink, 09:54 PM, 03-May-01, (13) RE: what's a girl to do, innocent*, 01:58 PM, 04-May-01, (14) thank you, agirl*, 07:17 PM, 04-May-01, (15) RE: thank you, Realist?*, 08:23 PM, 04-May-01, (16) RE: thank you, naan*, 08:57 PM, 04-May-01, (17) RE: how much?, Realist?*, 10:06 PM, 04-May-01, (18) RE: what's a girl to do?, BIGGUY56, 09:51 AM, 02-May-01, (4) RE: what's a girl to do?, Strong, 10:01 AM, 02-May-01, (5) I agree with BG too, with two caveats..., TheGreek, 03:34 PM, 05-May-01, (20) A Little Story for You, Claude_Balls*, 10:36 AM, 02-May-01, (6) RE: what's a girl to do?, SunnyDale, 07:17 PM, 02-May-01, (9) RE: what's a girl to do?, codeine*, 01:11 AM, 03-May-01, (10) RE: what's a girl to do?, nightowl31, 03:49 AM, 03-May-01, (11) Sorry, I just realized..., nightowl31, 04:42 AM, 03-May-01, (12) RE: what's a girl to do?, Wuzzel, 00:07 AM, 05-May-01, (19)

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pokekingmon (184 posts) 02-May-01, 08:14 AM (PDT) 1. "RE: what's a girl to do?" tough question. 1. is he married? 2. how long has he been seeing you? 3. are you his only provider? 4. has the relationship been always on the clock? (no dinner and a movie etc) 5. would you quit if he asked you to? answer these questions so that we can go from there. Pokekingmon   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

agirl* (3 posts) 02-May-01, 06:00 PM (PDT) 8. "RE: what's a girl to do?" >tough question. > >1. is he married? >2. how long has he been >seeing you? >3. are you his only provider? > >4. has the relationship been always >on the clock? (no dinner >and a movie etc) >5. would you quit if he >asked you to? > >answer these questions so that we >can go from there. > > > >Pokekingmon 1.no, he is divorced. 2.for 6 months-usually 1x per week 3.probably not 4.yes 5.in a heartbeat   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

veteran (257 posts) 02-May-01, 08:20 AM (PDT) 2. "RE: what's a girl to do?" Is he married? If not, you could try not charging him. So many guys have posted on these boards that if a woman keeps charging a guy for sex then she couldn't possibly love him. I think you have to go slowly with him since so many guys go to providers because they want sex without any emotional involvement.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

mermaid (15 posts) 02-May-01, 08:22 AM (PDT) 3. "RE: what's a girl to do?" Keep it to your self. He wants someone to play with, not love, or he may love the IDEA of loving you, but in the end, you'll be the one who gets burned.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

a client* (1 posts) 02-May-01, 10:50 AM (PDT) 7. "RE: what's a girl to do?" I have to agree with MS. mermaid. The chance of provider/client love relationship is less than 1%, and it is just too hard to go through the route. I would suggest you be nice to him and want and see how he think about you. It is a bad idea to tell him about your feeling. Unfortunately, even in the modern world, women still have to wait for men to take the first approach. If you are too aggressive, men will think you are desperate.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

LickPink (58 posts) 03-May-01, 09:54 PM (PDT) 13. "for what it's worth" i have become good friends with my former amp friend, and have been invited, and accepted, invitations to her house for christmas and thanksgiving. she is happily married to a former client, and they have a little girl. he's a very nice, calm man, and they seem to get along just fine. perhaps they are the 1% you speak of. two of her sisters or in the business as well, and they are very nice down to earth people. some of the nicest women i have met over the last several years have been providers. i think the older, and more tollerant you get, the more likely your chance of success. a woman can quit being a whore, but an asshole will always be. LickPink have tongue, will travel.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

innocent* (1 posts) 04-May-01, 01:58 PM (PDT) 14. "RE: what's a girl to do" I'm very impressed with how kind and thoughtful these replies to her are. Maybe we hobbyists aren't such assholes after all. I'd like to know more about why she thinks she loves him when all she's done with him so far is have sex.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

agirl* (3 posts) 04-May-01, 07:17 PM (PDT) 15. "thank you" >I'm very impressed with how kind >and thoughtful these replies to >her are. Maybe we hobbyists >aren't such assholes after all. > > >I'd like to know more about >why she thinks she loves >him when all she's done >with him so far is >have sex. Me too, thank you all. First, why does hobbyist=asshole? Second, to answer your ?, we have actually had some conversations--imagine that, not just sex, some talking too. Seriously though, sometimes you just get a sense about someone, you know? Maybe it's not love, but the desire to explore further with someone because you know that love is a tangible possibility. But it's also the pounding of my pulse and those butterflies in my insides when I'm about to see him... This part could just be lust I suppose. You seem to doubt the likelihood that one could fall in love given these circumstances?   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Realist?* (5 posts) 04-May-01, 08:23 PM (PDT) 16. "RE: thank you" I fell in love with a provider and she has become my mistress. Frankly, the first few times we just had sex, which was fine, but I had no special feeling for her and I continued seeing other providers. Then one night she opened herself to me, sharing the emotional pain she was going through. I suddenly saw her as a real person, not just a sex toy, I took her out to dinner, a few weeks later I took her on a vacation trip and the rest is history, as they say. Now women usually have better intuition than men, so I believe you when you say you got a sense of him, plus your conversations with him helped you know him as a person. I'll bet you're quite young, though, to fall in love with him on the job, so to speak. Experienced providers know that falling for a client is very risky for their career. I agree with those posters who recommended you offer him a date without charging him. He'll know immediately that you don't see him just as a customer, and his reaction will show you whether there's any hope for a real relationship with him.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

naan* (1 posts) 04-May-01, 08:57 PM (PDT) 17. "RE: thank you" How much do you pay her to keep as her mistress?   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Realist?* (5 posts) 04-May-01, 10:06 PM (PDT) 18. "RE: how much?" You're changing the subject of this thread, but I answer partially: more than I can afford much longer! You know how a thief with a weapon demands YOUR MONEY OR YOUR LIFE? All my friends compliment me on how young, healthy and happy I look since I've been with her. She gives me life, I give her money!   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

BIGGUY56 (43 posts) 02-May-01, 09:51 AM (PDT) 4. "RE: what's a girl to do?" AG: If he's married set your feelings aside(I know, easy for me to say) or stop seeing him. If he's single I suggest you invite him out for a casual "off the clock" date and see where it goes from there. I wouldn't spring an "I'm in love with you" on him as it may scare him away. Good luck with your plight. BG56   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Strong (1037 posts) 02-May-01, 10:01 AM (PDT) 5. "RE: what's a girl to do?" I agree with BigGuy.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

TheGreek (356 posts) 05-May-01, 03:34 PM (PDT) 20. "I agree with BG too, with two caveats..." If I were you, I'd make the date non-sexual, and take things slowly.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Claude_Balls* (14 posts) 02-May-01, 10:36 AM (PDT) 6. "A Little Story for You" When I started this "hobby" a couple of years back the first girls I saw was named Alexis (also went by Raquel) in Berkeley. Most anyone who saw here will remember her. She wasn't a GFE, she was far better than that in nearly everyway. I admit she spoiled me and we really hit it off, though I never would have considered going out with her away from "the job". In @Nov.99 she went to Mexico with a client who she fell in love with. He talked her out of the business, and generally messed with her head, which in all likelihood was prime to be messed with. Turns out the guy was married (which he hadn't told her) and refused to get a divorce. Nice double standard. Well in talking to one of her friends, she's really a mess now. Miserable and hurting for money, while she pines for this guy to get a divorce. Worse yet from my selfish standpoint she's out of the business. I think what I'm trying to say is that if your looking for love find it away from your profession, which may be a good rule in general. Life can be complicated enough without the encumberments that this "hobby" brings with it. Mr.Balls   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

SunnyDale (7 posts) 02-May-01, 07:17 PM (PDT) 9. "RE: what's a girl to do?" The amp girl I frequent recently asked me out. When I arrived to pick her up, the others present were ribbing her about having a big crush on me - which was pretty obvious anyway. I think the nature of your approach should be dictated by the nature of the client and his personality. I am a generally kind person who values honesty and openness. I appreciate it when woman are able to voice their feelings clearly...and asking me out is one way they can show that ability. If on the other hand this guy is a good BS artist or master salesman type, be very friendly but cool. A bit of gamesmanship rather than anything like total honesty is generally your best approach. Being too forward will make them dump you without so much as a farewell. Maybe say...you seem like someone I might like to get to know outside of work...then don't mention it again. See what he says. If he says okay...don't be too quick to accept and appear desperate. Kinda like that. Hope that helps.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

codeine* (1 posts) 03-May-01, 01:11 AM (PDT) 10. "RE: what's a girl to do?" I don't think it's so impossible that it wouldn't work out that you shouldn't try. The big key here is to be sure that the way you feel is really genuine attraction. There is a tendency for providers to have/get a unique concept of love/attraction. Sometimes, providers have to play games with their own mind to protect their sanity. If you're sure you're not doing this, you might try easing him into the idea of you as a potential friend, since you're already lovers. Ask him on a real date. Stop charging him for sessions. Let him take the lead for a while after that. If he's smart, he'll take the hint and you'll seamlessly make the switch to girlfriend. Another big trick is that a good amount of hobbyists have a double standard, so be sure he doesn't have that, or if he does, accept it and live up to it, if you really want to be with him. good Luck!   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

nightowl31 (54 posts) 03-May-01, 03:49 AM (PDT) 11. "RE: what's a girl to do?" 6 months is not a long time after a divorce, especially if he did not initiate it. He may "seem to be content with the client/provider relationship" because he is still hurting from the divorce. If this is the case, it may take him some time before he is ready for another relationship. Getting into a relationship while he is "on the rebound" will do neither of you any good in the long run. He needs to come to terms with his divorce and get some closure. All the more reason for you to go slow, as suggested by most everyone above. Another indication that he is probably not ready is that he has not asked you out during the 6 months he has been seeing you (on a weekly basis). He may be seeing you with such regularity because it is "safe" and comfortable, and being with you fills some sort of void for him. Sorry if I'm coming across as an amateur psychiatrist here, I'm just expressing opinions based on my own experience(s). I believe there is definitely something more than just sex involved for him to keep coming back to see you. What that "something" is, however, you will only be able to discern over time. The most important thing, IMO, is for you to be clear on your feelings for this guy and what your expectations are. I don't doubt that you are in love with him, as you indicated, I just think you also need to spend some time with him and get to know him outside the client/provider environment before moving things further along. Seeing him "off the clock," as suggested by Big Guy, veteran, codeine, etal, is the best way to start. I also think Sunnydale's suggested approach (being nonchalant about going out) is a good one. FYI, in response to the nay-sayers, I was involved with a provider several years ago. We lived together for about four years. Now, they will probably say that the fact the relationship did not work out is proof of their point. I respectfully disagree. Our parting was amicable and mutaully agreed upon. She and I are still friends, and we get along very well. I don't regret for a second any of the time we spent together. Your other questions about whether or not to stop seeing him or continue the client/provider relationship assume that things don't progress any further. Put those on hold for now. See what happens first. However this works out for you, I wish you all the best.   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

nightowl31 (54 posts) 03-May-01, 04:42 AM (PDT) 12. "Sorry, I just realized..." ... , as I was about to fall asleep, that you didn't say he has been divorced for 6 months, only that he was divorced. I had the 6 month figure (for how long you have been seeing him) stuck in my mind and just started typing. Too late to edit. The above could still be applicable, though, depending on how much time has passed since his divorce. If not, please accept my apology for my error. Good night...   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

Wuzzel (8 posts) 05-May-01, 00:07 AM (PDT) 19. "RE: what's a girl to do?" >Another indication that he is probably >not ready is that he >has not asked you out >during the 6 months he >has been seeing you (on >a weekly basis). I dunno about that. I think a lot of guys wouldn't seriously consider the possibility that their provider would be willing to go on a real date with them. Or they are just too scared of rejection, or something. >I just think you also >need to spend some time >with him and get to >know him outside the client/provider >environment before moving things further >along. Seeing him "off >the clock," as suggested by >Big Guy, veteran, codeine, etal, >is the best way to >start. I also think >Sunnydale's suggested approach (being nonchalant >about going out) is a >good one. I'll vote for all of that. Good advice. W   Remove | Alert Edit | Reply | Reply With Quote | Top

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