Pinocchio's girlfriend gave a big sigh and replied, "You're
probably the best guy I've ever met, but every time we make love
you give me splinters."

This remark bothered Pinocchio a great deal, so the next day he
went to seek some advice form his creator, Gepetto. When
Pinocchio arrived, Gepetto could tell something was bothering
Pinocchio, and asked him what was the matter. Pinocchio revealed
his dilemma to Gepetto.

Gepetto searched up and down for a solution. Eventually, he
suggested that sandpaper might be able to "smooth" out
Pinocchio's relationship with his girlfriend. Pinocchio
graciously thanked Gepetto and went on his way.

Gepetto had not heard from Pinocchio for a while and therefore
assumed that the sandpaper had solved all of Pinocchio's
problems. A couple weeks later, Gepetto was in town to have some
blades sharpened at the hardware store when he ran into
Pinocchio. When he saw Pinocchio buying all the packs of
sandpaper the store had in stock, Gepetto remarked, "So,
Pinocchio, things must be going pretty damn good with the girls,
eh?" and Pinocchio replied:

"Girls, who needs girls?!?!?!?!?!?!?"